Maybe you can help me understand the ways of society. Is it Western culture? American? Southern? Mountain? Wherever we go, people want to ask us questions out of the blue. Like where are we from? What's that thing hanging out of the trunk of our car? Are we married? What about kids? Planning on adopting?

Where are these people coming from? Why are they asking? And how should I respond, especially if I'm not inclined to answer at all?

Who Me?


Who, it's totally understandable that you find this behavior surprising, annoying or even alarming. But! I am of the opinion that 99.9999% of such questions are innocent attempts of humans (not locals, Americans, Westerners, but humans) to connect with each other in some way. Yes, there is some degree of personal curiosity, maybe a smoodge of comparison or even some specific goal for gaining information...but mostly, I think we just like to know each other, to peer into each others' lives, to be touched in ours and to sometimes be reminded of just how different and just how much alike we really are.

I think that humans, regardless of their environment, are always looking for some kind of connection. In big corporate environments, that might translate to anonymous closet sex at the office and lots of meaningless lunch meetings and dinner parties. Here in the mountains, that means neighbors walking by and asking questions about your lawn or trading cuttings or having pancake breakfasts at the drop of a hat. If you think about the millions of ways that we find to disconnect from one another, it's no wonder the pressure to connect builds up and spurts out at us and each other in the most unexpected ways. Sometimes the person reaching out might be just as surprised as anyone at their own behavior. Sometimes that need to connect transcends proper etiquette, appropriateness, legality or even safety. Sometimes we just want to have that touch and we're willing to say or do anything just to see.

I met some of my dearest sisters & brothers in chance conversations in town. I know a self-professed recluse I met by chance because he was also reaching out to the world. Two of my next-door neighbors feel like aunts to me and we share the same herd of critters. Haven't we all bumped bass-ackwards into someone who, but for one or the other of us pushing our boundary, we never would have found? Never would have discovered?

Should we reach back? I say yes. What have we got to lose? A few minutes from our busy day? A little privacy? As long as the privacy is handled gently and with dignity, as is most often the case, it builds a web of threadlike silver connections that whisper in the air above our heads as we walk and walk and spin 'round through our days. There we all are. What is there to do but to ask each other questions?

I agree that there is reason for caution, for testing the waters and establishing trust. Most times, I'm betting, it's well worth the investment.

But withholding from that experience, I think shortchanges us. I equate that with the analogy of having a good and beautiful thought like, "I love you so much" or "My gawd, you're beautiful" and not sharing it---like just pouring a love potion down the sink.

Love potion is everywhere, dripping off the trees and blooming out like flowers (*curtsy* Missy Misdemeanor Elliott) and it can be as full of perfect loving grace as helping your elderly neighbor with their vision quest at Walmart or as sticky as taking an endangered teen off the streets. You decide how deeply you can wade into the swamp of humanity.

To me, it's about chances. And when it comes to love, I'd take my chances.

Love bunchly,
Sophie

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