Dear Sophie,
Why is our society so obsessed with physical beauty? How do I spark romantic interest if I'm rather plain physically?
Beholdee
Dear Beholdee,
First of all, I'd like to suggest that you think a lot about what and whom you find beautiful yourself. When you feel the spark of attraction with another human, study that person carefully and note his or her characteristics. Do they have a "perfect" body? A flawless face? Lots of hair or not much? How is it styled? Keep either a physical or mental inventory as you go about your research and make copious notes about as much of the person as you can possibly observe.
Then I want you to go over the inventory. Very likely, not all of the persons you admired had the same characteristics. I'd be willing to bet that there was no single characteristic shared by every one of your study subjects.
I personally find all types of men and women physically attractive. Although I consider myself a heterosexual, I enjoy looking at beautiful women as well as beautiful men. What makes this enjoyment richer is that nearly everyone I meet is beautiful in some way. Is it because I live in some magically blessed corner of the world? No. It's because I love variation on the theme.
I love men who with long hair, short hair and bald men; big and small men, old and young men. All shapes, sizes, colors, ages and styles of dress. Same with women. Even though my interest in women is tempered by my sexuality, I truly enjoy the beauty of other women.
I will say that there is one characteristic common to every person, man or woman, I find attractive: a warm smile. Really. If you use the 1-10 scale for beauty, you can boost your score by at least 5 to 7 points by simply sharing a warm, sincere smile with everyone you meet (not just potential suitors).
Beyond the first impression, I contend that a grateful and happy demeanor also enhance our attractiveness. I'm not just talking about an emotional or spiritual response by others to your attitude, but the actual physical changes that occur in our bodies when we maintain a positive attitude. Your features soften, your vibe is warm, your posture is more inviting --- the list goes on.
Finally, I firmly believe in celebrating your own beauty. Do you? Do you know how beautiful you really are, and do you present yourself lovingly to the world? Wearing clothing that expresses your spirit (and I'm not talking about dressing to impress on a financial scale), jewelry that decorates and enhances your features, and a hairstyle that speaks to your lifestyle can all make an incredible difference in the image you present to yourself and to the world. Cosmetics and nail polish aren't frivolity for the shallow, either. They are tools for the self-expression of your own beauty and should be a part of your image if that's who you are (whether man or woman).
And of course, I hope I don't even need to mention the importance of scrupulous hygiene?
It might be hard at first to view yourself and the world as ultimately flawless in your imperfection, but it can happen over time if you practice. It really does take practice. You have to block out the negative voices of outside influences (mainstream media, controlling friends or families, etc.) and especially your OWN negativity. If you have trouble getting started, turn off the television for at least one month and see how your perception of your own beauty and that of others around you changes (and it will change, trust me).
Thanks for writing. Write again.
Love much,
Sophie
This blog can now be accessed through SophieSeriously.com. Until I resolve mail server issues, please continue to address your comments, questions, insights, situations, feedback, problems, perspectives, prognoses, prophecies and poetry to: sophieseriously (at) gmail.com
