Dear Sophie,

I need your help! I just started seeing this guy and I think there's chemistry between us. He's interested, I'm interested and we've been seeing each other for a couple of weeks. We both flirt back and forth with each other but it doesn't really go beyond that. I'm afraid that if I make the first move, I'll scare him off. He might be afraid of the same thing, but I don't know how to find out without having a really awkward conversation that could blow the whole thing. I really want to get physical, but not if it costs me the whole relationship.

What should I do?

Itchy

Dear Itchy,

Okay, I do have an idea for you. If I read between the lines correctly here, you haven't even had a goodnight kiss yet (which is the ultimate ice-breaker). A great way to break that ice is a method taught to me by a dear friend about 25 years ago. This guy was smoooooooth and had no shame (which can be a good thing sometimes). He had a very light-hearted approach to new relationships and his dates took his cue and didn't attach a lot of angst to those early decisions like when to call, when to kiss, etc.

Here's his idea: When you meet each other for the date, right at the beginning, say, "Listen, we both know how suspenseful it can be wondering what our goodnight kiss might be like, and if we'll even have one. Well, I LOVE goodnight kisses and I don't want to spend our time together being distracted wondering about it. So let's just get that out of the way right now, have our goodnight kiss and then we can both relax and enjoy our time together." VOILA!

I have witnessed this technique being used a time or two to break the ice and it doesn't convey any heavy drama or expectations, just that you love to kiss! The mood of the evening inevitably ends up very positive and warm and of course, kissing CAN lead to harder drugs! (~wink, nudge~)

So if you've already kissed or made out and are wondering about the next step, I'd say you could use this GoodNight Kiss (GNK) technique even now and see where it leads. What do you have to lose?

Hope it works out well for you!

Love'n'such,
Sophie

SophieSeriously ...at... gmail dot com