Thanks, Ashevillain, for your thoughtful feedback! The below was posted as a comment but comments still don't appear normally. I'll post my reply Sunday evening, but wanted you all to have access to these insights immediately:

Very interesting take on things Sophie. I have one comment:

"By withdrawing or withholding from an intimate relationship, one has control over the entire scene, first of all. As long as the other party/ies involved are involved enough."

In my experience this one seems to be the most common. I've seen it and experienced it time and time again (and yes, even currently in the midst of one of these...on the losing end)....As the interest level of person #1 decreases, the interest level of person #2 increases...the gap keeps widening further and further until communication has broken down beyond repair. This brings me to the old saying: "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence"...while a little over simplified it seems appropriate to this discussion. Some ppl can't be satisfied with just grazing...they need to be constantly looking for a better pasture to graze in... Even while they're in a perfectly functional pasture to begin with.

My answer to the question "But what if they're not? (involved enough)" : It's not a problem for the person who is percieved to be "in control" because they usually portray enough confidence to attract a larger number of admirers with whom they can use to play their mind games with. The person who is being strung along is more often less confident and more vulnerable (or else it seems they wouldn't stand for subpar treatment)...and less likely to go right back out and find another person of interest.

I am by no means an expert or a professional...this is just what my experience has taught me.

-------------------Ashevillain 5/11/2005 10ish pmish

Send your comments, questions, insights, situations, feedback, problems, perspectives, prognoses, prophecies and poetry to: sophieseriously (at) gmail.com